i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
