Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
