the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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