what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize