we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
