your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
this just has baby written all over it
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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