You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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