remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
