The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize