hotel room ftw
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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