I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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