Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
