bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i love accidental penises.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
we're making bets on your personal life
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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