OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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