I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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