now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
