I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
