wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
