i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
