I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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