every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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