i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
