Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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