So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
