I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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