this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
