I think i peed on brittanys purse
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
