I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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