We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
