it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize