hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
