so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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