Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
