Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
