hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
