My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
