didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
