so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
