So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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