i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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