I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
