My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
