Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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