How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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