I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
