Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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