She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
did i walk over a car last night?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
