Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
