Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
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