bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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