I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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