Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
