ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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