dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
