Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
