Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
