tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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