dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
