Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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