finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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