Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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