You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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