Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
