Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize