My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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