Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
