somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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