apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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