Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
