ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
