I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Watching her eat just hurts me
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
