I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
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