A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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