There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
