I must be too annoying 4 u.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
