Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
